An expensive epiphany

I've had an epiphany!

So said youngest last week. She's not old enough to march off to a convent just yet so I was interested but not alarmed.

Interested because it's not your everyday announcement, nor everyday language - maybe she'd had RE at school that day - I'm not sure.

Anyway, this particular epiphany was the fruit of Comic Relief day, when children are allowed to wear whatever they like. There have been lots of recent conversations on Mumsnet about how awful Book Day is - and I agree entirely. Youngest has always absolutely hated it and I literally had to drag her along the street one day - her in tears and me nearly so.

The stress of deciding what to wear - what's cool, fashionable, will hide what she thinks is her big bum (it's not), etc etc is just horrible to witness.

So we had the usual "I hate it, can't I just wear my uniform, have you washed x, y, z etc, followed by numerous texts and phone calls to friends for the reassurance that she wasn't going to be the odd one out.

It was when she came back that we had the epiphany conversation, which went something along these lines..
"I've had an epiphany! I realised today that people judge you on how you look and I don't like the way I look. People think I'm stupid and I'm not. I want to look smarter so people will know that I'm actually pretty clever."

Cue trip to the shops - which was not cheap!

Memorable 18th birthday present?

Eldest DD is fast approaching her 18th and I've been struggling for a while on deciding a) what to buy and b) what to do.

She doesn't want a party, doesn't want a fuss and basically doesn't have a clue.. which is fine but I'm keen to ensure she has a memorable birthday without me spending huge amounts of cash.

She has said she wants to go out for a meal and even specified the restaurant, so that's all good. Our relatives are spread far and wide and since Mum and step-dad died last autumn, a big family do is not really an option.

I've decided to get her jewellery for her present - it's what I had for my 18th and it stays with you, hopefully for ever, so that's (nearly) sorted - I haven't actually bought it yet.

But I want to do something as well. It's Easter, it's her 18th, it's also youngest DD's 14th (though she's going to see One Direction in a couple of weeks - accompanied by me and 2 friends).

And I'm going a bit stir-crazy here at home - bearing in mind I work from home and don't get out much (through choice and laziness) I really, really need a break.

I've considered Disney (too expensive), Paris (too expensive), somehot hot (too expensive - you get the picture...) but finally had a brainwave yesterday though it's a bit random.

We're flying to Inverness for just 2 nights in the hope of spotting dolphins off the Moray Firth. Cheap flights from Bristol, a car at the other end and a bit of sight-seeing = fantastic! Even if we don't see the dolphins it will be an adventure and the anticipation is half the fun. I could have got a cheaper weekend somewhere but it wouldn't be as exotic. Can't wait....

All I wanted was a bath....

I hate the 'me time' phrase however, it is an apt one.

Strained relationships with the ex mean that 2 of the children had no contact for well over a year, and the third intermittent but amiable.

Things are very slowly getting back on track though and they all now go round for special meals (ie Xmas and birthdays).

So yesterday was a birthday meal and off they all went at about 5.30pm. Since I've had full care 7x52x365 for many years I have to say I welcomed the opportunity to do exactly as I pleased.

I went to the gym for not one but TWO classes straight after work. I got in around 8.10 and thought FAB! I can have a hot bath, accompanied by a large glass of red and then watch whatever I wanted to.

I haven't had a bath for years.... (I do shower!) and I used to love, love, love them. At university my halls had the biggest, deepest baths ever, with unlimited hot water. It wasn't only wine I took in then, it was wine plus a book plus a bar of chocolate. To me, it was the height of indulgence and luxury, which as every parent will understand, goes out the window when you start having children - or caring for dependents of any kind.

What happened? They bloody well came back at 8.15 - five minutes after I got in! I hadn't even poured the wine! I'd made myself one slice of cheese & ham sandwich (such indlugence) when the bell rang and there they all were.

I wasn't particularly gracious - "why are you back so early?" "I thought you having a whole evening out?" was what I said. "It's a school night and I'm tired/ I've got a cold" was what they said.

Daughter #3 grabbed the bath, immediately followed by daughter #2 who wanted a shower. Daughter #1 grabbed the tv.

I walked the dog.

Dichotomy - funding kid's birthday presents to ex

Ex-husband's birthday is approaching and the children - now that they have decided to re-establish contact with him - obviously want to get him a present.

We are financially strapped at the moment because of new boiler, new exhaust, Christmas - plus the total lack of financial support from ex.

My problem is that I very much resent having to give them money so they can buy him something. He refused to buy Christmas presents for the eldest and youngest the first year after the split, because they didn't want to go round. He's also never given them pocket money of any kind so they can buy each other presents - despite the fact that the youngest actually had her birthday with him 3 months after the split.

He's not poor or in financial difficulty. He's got his own house and is eligible to collect his generous pension in a year's time.

I get that because he's currently unemployed he is under no obligation to pay child support. But he currently owes me tens of thousands  in pension allocation, which he's refusing to pay, plus, from the day he finally left the marital home over 2 years ago, he has flatly refused to pay anything towards mortgage or children. (The CSA did finally manage to enforce payment from his employer for a year, for which I'm eternally grateful.)

So I am of course encouraging them to get him something, but I have made it very clear that whatever they do buy has to come from their monthly allowance - there will be no extra. And they are not on any account to spend lots of money on him. I've also told eldest that she is not to give the younger two any of her hard-earned money to boost their funds.

I'm reconciling myself with the fact that I'm at least bringing up the children to be a better person that he is/was and that it's better to lead by example, but it's bloody hard sometimes!

Reasons to be proud: gloves, TV remote and the gym!

So I've lied to D2 but I'm proud of my ingenuity. Long story short; I was given a beautiful pair of green leather gloves some time ago. D2 lost them at school - I was not pleased. But she bought me a new pair for Christmas - and then I lost one of them a couple of weeks ago. Inspiration struck - I searched on eBay, found an exact match, bought them and have now lied to D2 and said I found lost glove! Win-win.

Another small victory - the remote control finally gave up on us (it has to be around 15 years old I think - like the TV). Quick trip to Curry's because neither Tesco or Sainsbury had them, bought the cheapest one I could find (£8.99) and got it working with very little trouble (the worst bit was trying to find my glasses because the print on everything these days is so small...). The poor daughters no longer had to get off their bottoms and actually walk to the TV to change channels as we all used to do many years ago.

And having taken a gym membership out on 1 Jan, and managing to go just twice in the entire month, I have now got off my backside and been 10 times this month so far!

So today I'm saying well done me!

Warmer but poorer and messier

Heat pervaded the house on Wednesday evening. After a week with no heating and just 24 hours with no hot water, all was bliss.

Except for one tiny moan, and bigger one and a bloody great HUGE one!

Tiny - men filled up my rubbish bin and left other stuff, so now I need to do a dump run.

Bigger - new boiler is bigger than old, and since there was a double cupboard next to the old boiler, that same double cupboard is now on the floor - where the freezer and dog's basket should be. Freezer is now where the bin should be, contents of cupboard now all over the worktops.

Horrible empty wall with holes in it, 6 new pipes visible - I now need a man wot duz, and also to repaint the whole kitchen.

Airing cupboard contents (because old tank went too) now all over my bedroom floor.

BIG moan - one of the workmen left open the radiator valve in my study, which no-one noticed. So my beautiful new carpet was sodden with filthy water.

I've had to take photos to send to company (who have been helpful so far). A man is coming to clean carpet in a week - once it's dried...

The house is so very messy and dirty and I haven't even begun to tackle it. By the time I wind up my PC at the end of the day I just can't be bothered.

I guess that I won't be going very far this weekend though, so it's a day or two cleaning for me.

But hey, it's Friday. I like snow. Girls night out (sounds better than middle-aged women's night out). The dog goes bananas in the snow and she's a jet black cocker spaniel so she looks really cute.  And I can take her for a long walk tomorrow.

So it's not that bad really!

This week I'm mashing food and freezing cold

Mashing
I'm mashing food because DD2 had to have 4 teeth extracted on Wednesday and she has a needle phobia so these things are never pleasant.
We waited a year for a hospital appt only to find the dentist had cocked up and the NHS won't do extractions under a general any more.
So off we went to the clinic.

Poor DD2 is a veteran of around 6 operations - all minor stuff thankfully. Some foot / leg stuff and several grommet ops. But add to that the vaccinations they have at school and you'll understand why these things are always a huge deal.

It's not her fault poor thing and she gets very stressed by it all - but so do I! The coaxing, persuasion, repeated visits to the hospital for vaccinations that take just 10 secs etc etc.

This week was no exception. All went well until she sat in the chair and then the problems began. Luckily she fainted just before the needle went in so they did actually manage to do it. Next step is to get the braces fitted but that's less of a problem - no needles!

I don't know why it is that we have these phobias? I got my ears pierced when I was 18 but had to give up after a couple of months because I fainted when I put new ear-rings in. I could take them out, and there was no pain or inflammation, but I just couldn't do it and still can't.

Freezing
Naturally the boiler broke when the forecaster mentioned the 's' word...
Three teenage daughters and no heating and only minimal hot water for at least the next 5 days. Plus several thousand pounds worse off. Joy unbounded. How will I get the washing dried? I don't have a tumble drier.